{"id":1800,"date":"2009-03-13T15:48:25","date_gmt":"2009-03-13T20:48:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.imprintitems.com\/blog\/?p=1800"},"modified":"2009-03-13T15:48:25","modified_gmt":"2009-03-13T20:48:25","slug":"preparing-for-the-yearly-mammogram-joke","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.imprintitems.com\/blog\/1800\/preparing-for-the-yearly-mammogram-joke","title":{"rendered":"Preparing for the Yearly Mammogram Joke"},"content":{"rendered":"
Many women fear their first mammogram, and even if they you had them before, there is the fear. But, there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and doing the following practice exercises, you will be totally prepared for the test, and best of all, you can do these simple practice exercises in the privacy of your home.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
EXERCISE 1: Open your refrigerator door, and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure.<\/div>\n
Hold that position for five seconds.<\/div>\n
Repeat in case the first time wasn’t effective.<\/div>\n
\n

EXERCISE 2: Visit your garage at 3 a.m. when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor sideways with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled.
\nSwitch sides, and repeat for the other breast.<\/p>\n

EXERCISE 3: Freeze two metal bookends overnight.
\nStrip to the waist.
\nInvite a stranger into the room.
\nHave the stranger press the bookends against either side of one of your breasts and smash the bookends together as hard as he\/she can.
\nSet an appointment with the stranger to meet next year to do it again.<\/p>\n

You are now properly prepared!\u00a0 Also, notice ladies:<\/p>\n

MENtal illness
\nMENstrual cramps
\nMENtal breakdown
\nMENopause<\/p>\n

Ever notice how so many of women’s problems start with men?<\/p>\n

Helping to promote Breast Cancer awareness? Trying to encourage women (and even men) to get checked yearly? Our rhinestone breast cancer awareness pins are sure to get everyone’s attention. It’s not only promoting the cause, it’s fashionable.<\/p>\n

\"Pink<\/a>

Pink Rhinestone Breast Cancer Awareness Lapel Pin<\/p><\/div>\n

Click on the photo for more information<\/p>\n

or<\/p>\n

Click here for more Breast Cancer Awareness items<\/a><\/p>\n

or<\/p>\n

Click here for other awareness lapel pins<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Many women fear their first mammogram, and even if they you had them before, there is the fear. But, there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and doing … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12,"featured_media":1801,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[44,11],"tags":[1368,261,167,257,501,18,631,668,91],"class_list":["post-1800","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-awareness-items","category-jokes","tag-awareness-items","tag-awareness-pins","tag-breast-cancer-awareness","tag-fashion","tag-joke","tag-lapel-pins","tag-pink-and-pink-ribbon","tag-rhinestone-lapel-pin","tag-ribbon-pins"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.imprintitems.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1800","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.imprintitems.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.imprintitems.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.imprintitems.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/12"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.imprintitems.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1800"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.imprintitems.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1800\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.imprintitems.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1801"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.imprintitems.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1800"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.imprintitems.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1800"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.imprintitems.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1800"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}