Little Johnny’s grandparents came to visit him in Milwaukee and he helped his mother prepare sandwiches and tea.
When Grandma was drinking her tea he kept staring at her until she asked him what was wrong.
“Nothing” Johnny said, “I’m just wondering when you’re going to do your stunt.”
“What stunt?” she asked.
“Daddy says you can drink like a fish!”
Children sometimes complicate family gatherings.
Johnny also tried to help the day Grandpa got the flu.
He had always wanted to be a doctor.
He brought the thermometer and offered to read Gramps a story.
Then he brought Grandpa a cup of tea.
Why, “you’re so nice,” Grandpa said as he drank the tea. “I didn’t know you could make tea.”
“Oh, yes,” Johnny replied. “I put the tea leaves in the water like Mom does and I heated the water in the microwave, then strained it in your mug. I couldn’t find a strainer, so I used the flyswatter.”
“You what!?”
Johnny said, “Oh, don’t worry. I didn’t use the new flyswatter…I used the old one.”
I remember some knuckleheads in college. They were sitting around trying to make Mac & Cheese in a crock pot.
A knock came at the door, “trick or treat” Oh yeah, it’s Halloween they realized.
So someone came up with a few nickels and threw them in the goblin’s pumpkin bucket. This went on for a while, until the spare change ran out. I think they even turned the couch upside down and shook loose a few more coins for the witch, and the joker in the hockey goalie mask.
Soon the coins were gone, but the door bell kept ringing and the college guys like class citizens offered up a few pieces of gum.
Eventually, they ran out of loot. Some nut case, probably majoring in Poli Sci, started putting frozen hash brown triangles in the kids’ pillowcases and orange plastic bags.
Today, the FBI would probably show up at the door of these undergrads’ rental home, after some unknowing parent sorted the candy brought home to be sure it was safe!
We, unlike those goofy college kids -except in creativity- do offer imprinted candies, lollipops, and other products for organizations looking for a customized Halloween give-away.
We also offer a few reflectors for safety, and even trick or treat bags that can be printed with your logo or message. Check out Halloween bags and reflectors for a great promotion.
Please do not give out frozen potato products, unless you are interested in wearing handcuffs.
Everyone’s sense of humor is different. I hear most of my jokes from my kids or their friends, so I am likely passing on 5th grade material. Rest assured, only clean jokes will appear on this blog.
The Cab Driver
A passenger tapped the taxi driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.
The driver screamed, the car lost control, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped inches from a store window.
Briefly everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, “Look man, don’t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!”
The passenger apologized and said, “I didn’t realize that a little tap would scare you so badly.”
The driver replied, “Sorry, it’s not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver – I’ve been driving a funeral van for the last 20 years.”
Well in Minnesota, it’s winter for about 1/2 of the year. Ice cream is great, if you crank your furnace up to about 75 degrees. But in much of the country Popcorn is soul food, late night snack, study food, or the healthy alternative to Doritos.
My son sells popcorn for a cubscout fundraiser each year. The corn is tasty, though sometimes I question if it may have been packaged for Y2K.
Eric and I set out one day to find FRESH microwave popcorn. Eureka! we found a source. The bags are printed with your custom logo message first, and right before shipping the microwave popcorn is sealed in the bags.
Nearly direct from the grower to you!
Popcorn is nutricious and fun. Who does not like to see the microwave popcorn swell up in the nuker?
With imprinted microwave popcorn with your logo or message you can essentially give your clients a meal for $1.50 or less.
Please don’t tell the cub scouts I am selling popcorn; they may think I am stepping on toes. Scouting is a great program that I support.
For other organizations that want a great fundraiser, custom microwave popcorn is a great option. For example, order 10,000 bags for .88 cents each. Print your school logo or church info on the front. Sell these tasty treats for $2 each. Your group can cash in over $10,000 in profit.
OK, 10,000 bags seems like a ton. But, if your organization has 500 members, just ask each to sell 20 bags at $2 each. This is a much better value than purchasing a $7 bucket of popcorn at the theatre.
You can get our popcorn in three great flavors: full butter, light butter, or natural with no butter. For larger orders special flavors are an option including pepper, pickles or other popcorn flavors to fit you campaign.
Some Crazy popcorn info and quotes:
“By all accounts, shouldn’t popcorn be considered a vegetable?”
I have heard of people justifying dessert by saying rice crispie bars covered the food pyramid because they contain corn syrup.
WC Fields once said, “The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.”
For a great ice breaker, fraternity game, or youth bible study event consider playing soccer or kickball with a popped bag of microwave popcorn. There will be no wasted food, as the squirrels and bird will clean up after you.
While visiting the jeweler’s last week to have my husband’s wedding ring fixed, I noticed a large display of gorgeous breast cancer awareness jewelry. I mean 14 karat gold, fancy silver etching, pearls, and diamonds set with -of course- the pink ribbon emblem of Breast Cancer Awareness and Support. October is coming, and who says you shouldn’t look fabulous while showing support for your cause?!
Although really pretty, the price tag on a multi-strand saltwater pearl necklace with a little pink ribbon is a bit heafty, especially if you need 100 or 10,000 of them!
This is a classy option for those with an eye for something just a bit fancier than normal.
Another awareness fashion growing in popularity is the sports-themed awareness item:
Golf, for example.
Or Tennis!
Don’t forget about our non-jewelry options for sports, either…..
Take advantage of our great products and good deals to increase awareness and show support for the survivors, the fighters, the victims, and all the friends and families.
What is a take-a-penny tray? I was in line to pay for gasoline the other day
and the lady in front of me was purchasing a can of soda.
There was a take a penny tray with some loose change and she was digging through the coins, trying to figure out how to use as much free money as she could to purchase her beverage.
I thought the idea was to pick up one or two cents or add extra coins if you have them, to make the cashier’s job easier and check out quicker. Instead this patron was trying to calculate how to spend the least amount out of her coin purse to pay for her purchase.
I am not sure that’s the original intent of the take-a-penny tray.
In advertising and marketing circles, these trays are considered a point of purchase display item or POP.
Typically, you will see the local newspaper advertising on the tray. The idea is to get impulse buyers to grab a daily newspaper at check out.
Really, this is a brilliant idea!
Rather than pay $1200 per month for an advertisement on the local bus bench, the marketer buys 250 or more take a penny trays.
They put their company logo, i.e. newspaper banner on the tray. The target audience is reached, and hopefully you or I or Joe Consumer grabs a newspaper, increasing single copy sales.
Other advertising folks realize that the initial investment of a couple of dollars is a one time investment. Unlike other advertising with monthly fees, these little coin trays scream a message “remember us?…… buy ours!”
Local real estate agencies, movie theaters, dining establishments…..also see the benefit.
We offer two primary coin trays for this purpose. The most effective for return on investment also serves as a pen and pencil holder.
What retail check out point does not need pens readily available for signatures on credit card receipts?
You can take any of our stock shapes customized the words, background and imprint. All of our word magnets are available with full color printing, so you can really have some creative fun and get your message across any way you want.
As always, if you have any questions on our word magnets, custom printed magnets in general, or any promotional product for that matter feel free to call or email us.
Perhaps you sent your kids off on their first big yellow bus ride of the semester today; with school just starting, I know you probably don’t want to think about Christmas… but now that summer vacation is over it is calendar-ordering season! We have a ton of styles and sizes of calendars (see http://www.imprintitems.com/calendars), but one type that really sticks out as a favorite is our computer calendar. We each have one stuck above our computer monitors here at the Collegiate Concepts office.
Each year we try to send a different promotional product along with our Christmas Cards in a massive mass mailing to our past clients and potential clients, and the year we sent these skinny little guys they were a huge hit (they are designed to fold just perfectly to fit inside an envelope too). The next year, our holiday greeting card recipients wished for (some may have whined for) the same computer calendars. Check out our Computer Monitor / Keyboard Calendars at http://www.imprintitems.com/calendars/monitorcalendar or email sales@imprintitems.com for help or ideas developing a custom calendar for your next mass mailing. Wouldn’t you like your clients to see your logo each time they check the date?
We get calls daily from people asking which Breast Cancer Awareness campaign we contribute to. None, we contribute to no breast cancer cause.
But why? Let’s compare apples to apples. We sell 1,000 Breast cancer awareness lapel pins at .55 each. $550 total.
Our biggest competitor sells 1,000 of a similar pin for $6.95 each. They donate 10% of purchase price to some Breast cancer cause.
If you are really concerned about our donations, we will sell you 1000 pins for the same price as our competitors. Just $6950 for the order. If it makes you feel better, we will then contribute 90% of the order total to the cause of your choice.
We are still making more on the pins than if we had sold them to you at the regular price.
We suggest you order the pins from us, and then donate $5000 to your cause.
This is rough math, but as horrible as it seems, the company selling at $6 plus per pin is still making $5 more per pin than we are.
Understand, we do sell breast cancer awareness pins and many other Breast Cancer Awareness promotional products at a small profit. But, an apples to apples comparison shows that we are not the exploiters of the market.
We have in-stock ready to ship today 3 products: breast cancer ribbon pins, rhinestone pink awareness pins, and silicone rubber bracelets of our exclusive design.
Further, other Breast cancer awareness items, as with the old standbys, can be imprinted with your logo or message. Of course, these take a bit longer to ship.
It’s really nice to sell a $6.00 pink ribbon pin and donate .60 cents to the cause, but who is really most generous?
We sell pink ribbon pins for less than they donate to charity!
