The symphony musicians had little confidence in the person brought in to be their new conductor.
Their fears were realized at the very first rehearsal. The cymbalist, realizing that the conductor did not know what he was doing, angrily clashed his instruments together during a delicate, soft passage.
The music stopped. The conductor, highly agitated, looked angrily around the orchestra, demanding, “Who did that? Who did that?”
After booking my 80-year-old grandmother on a flight from Florida to Nevada, I called the airline to go over her special needs. The representative listened patiently as I requested a wheelchair and an attendant for my grandma because of her arthritis and impaired vision to the point of near blindness.
My apprehension lightened a bit when the woman assured me that everything would be taken care of. I thanked her profusely.
“Oh, you’re welcome,” she replied. I was about to hang up when she cheerfully asked, “And will your grandmother need a rental car?”
Looking for a promotional product that can help grandmothers? Try our Arthritis Helpers and Pill Boxes that can be custom printed with your business logo or name.
Our most popular water bottle, the 22 oz Aluminum Water Bottles w/ Carabiner, is now available in 6 new colors (for a total of 10) and with optional 4 Color Process Imprinting (up to photo resolution full color imprint). Our 22oz Stainless Steel Water Bottles are also now available with the 4 Color Process Imprinting.
Our current aluminum bottle available colors are: Blue, Silver, Standard/Kelly Green, Olive Green, White, Black, Yellow, Orange, Purple and Red with matching Carabiners.
22 oz Aluminum Water Bottles w/ Carabiner
22oz Stainless Steel Water Bottles
Click on a product photo for more information
or
See all of our available water bottles here.
~ Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.
~ Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
~ A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
~ Words that soak into your ears are whispered…not yelled.
~ Meanness don’t jes’ happen overnight.
~ Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.
~ Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
~ It don’t take a very big person to carry a grudge.
~ You cannot unsay a cruel word.
~ Every path has a few puddles.
~ When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
~ The best sermons are lived, not preached.
~ Most of the stuff people worry about ain’t never gonna happen anyway.
~ Don’t judge folks by their relatives.
~ Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
~ Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll enjoy it a second time.
~ Don’t interfere with somethin’ that ain’t botherin’ you none.
~ If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’.
~ Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
~ The biggest troublemaker you’ll probably ever have to deal with watches you from the mirror every mornin’.
~ Always drink upstream from the herd.
~ Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
~ Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin’ it back in.
~ If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around.
A battle arose between the Pastor and the Choir Director of The Lutheran Church of Grace.
The first hint of trouble came when the Pastor preached on “dedicating yourselves to service” and the Choir Director chose to sing: “I Shall Not Be Moved.”
Trying to believe it was a coincidence, the Pastor put the incident behind him. The next Sunday he preached on “giving.” Afterward the choir squirmed as the director led them in the hymn: “Jesus Paid It All.”
By this time, the Pastor was losing his temper. Sunday Morning attendance swelled as the tension between the two built. A large crowd showed up the next week to hear his sermon on “The sins of Gossiping.” Would you believe the Choir Director selected “I Love To Tell The Story?”
There was no turning back. The following Sunday the Pastor told the congregation that unless something changed, he was considering resignation. The entire church gasped when the Choir Director led them in “Why Not Tonight?”
Truthfully, no one was surprised when the Pastor resigned a week later, explaining that Jesus had led him there and Jesus was leading him away. The Choir Director could not resist “What A Friend We Have In Jesus.”
Are you looking to SUPPORT other church goers instead of harass them? Our cross and fish lapel pin might be for you.
As more and more immigrants enter our country we ought to be aware and willing to accept the differences and use them as a “team effort” towards helping out our country. The city of Phoenix in Arizona has a fantastic program called the “‘We’re All On The Same Team’ Cultural Diversity Program.” It is the cities effort to bring together everyone from different cultures to work together to help out their community. If this is something that your city or you, yourself, would like to start up and get involved in, we have an easy way to get you started. Start by giving out the orange awareness lapel pins to get everyone else to realize that we all need to work together. Great for school, city, state, or country fundraisers or awareness.
The following are actual comments made to a physician by his male patients while performing biopsies:
Take it easy, Doc. You’re boldly going where no man has gone before!
Find Amelia Earhart yet?
Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?
You know, in Arkansas, we’re now legally married.
Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?
You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out…
Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!
If your hand doesn’t fit, you must quit!
Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.
You used to be an executive at Enron, didn’t you?
And best of all….
Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?
We know that biopsies and prostate are not a joke, but we thought that we would lighten up your day a little bit. Join the fight against prostate cancer by raising awareness with these Light Blue Awareness Lapel Pins
Remove teddy bear from oven and preheat oven to 375.
Melt 1 cup margarine in saucepan.
Remove teddy bear from oven and tell Jr., “No, no.”
Add margarine to 2 cups sugar.
Take shortening can away from Jr. and clean cupboards.
Measure 1/3 cup cocoa.
Take shortening can away from Jr. again and bathe cat.
Apply antiseptic and bandages to scratches sustained while removing shortening from cat’s tail.
Assemble 4 eggs, 2 tsp. vanilla, and 1-1/2 cups sifted flour.
Take smoldering teddy bear from oven and open all doors and windows for ventilation.
Take telephone away from Billy and assure party on the line the call was a mistake. Call operator and attempt to have direct dialed call removed from bill.
Measure 1 tsp. salt, 1/2 cup nuts and beat all ingredients well.
Let cat out of refrigerator.
Pour mixture into well-greased 9×13-inch pan.
Bake 25 minutes.
Rescue cat and take razor away from Billy.
Explain to kids that you have no idea if shaved cats will sunburn. Throw cat outside while there’s still time and he’s still able to run away.
FROSTING Mix the following in saucepan:
1 cup sugar
1 oz unsweetened chocolate
1/4 cup margarine Take the darn teddy bear out of the @#$% broiler and throw it away — far away.
Answer the door and meekly explain to nice policeman that you didn’t know Jr. had slipped out of the house and was heading for the street.
Put Jr. in playpen.
Add 1/3 cup milk, dash of salt, and boil, stirring constantly for 2 minutes.
Answer door and apologize to neighbor for Billy having stuck a garden hose in man’s front door mail slot. Promise to pay for ruined carpet.
While searching through all of the different colors and meanings of awareness ribbons this one stuck out the most to me. The burgundy awareness ribbon has many different meanings to it and again only one meaning stuck out, “children undiagnosed or misdiagnosed with rare disorders or diseases”. We always see and hear about the Make-A-Wish Foundation, which grants children’s wishes to give them a life-changing experience. You can raise awareness by handing out these burgundy lapel pins. These pins can be used for fund raising events at hospitals, for specific families trying to put a child through a medical procedure, etc. Other meanings of the burgundy/maroon awareness pin includes hospice care, multiple myeloma, cesarian sections, headaches and migraines, adhesions, thrombophilia and other blood factor and coagulation disorders, meningitis, polio survivors, and many more.
